i dunnoe wat i wan anemore..
and i dunnoe wat i dunwan oso..
i dunnoe if this is better or worse..
at least b4 i KNOW wat i wan and dunwan.. so i can works towards it.. fer closure.
but now that i dunnoe, im alil happy cuz i din wan to work towards that situation initially.

i dunnoe wat im toking abt..
im insane.
this happens when u realize that life as uve known it all along is now no more.
that the things u treasure and cherished are the very things that cuz u pain and hurt now.

i realli think recently ive over used the words pain and hurt..
until now its become so much of part of what im feeling 24/7 that it feels weird to sae that i feel them. cuz is goes w/o saying.. from the start of each dae.

now.. i realli feel confused, apprehensive, pessimistic, betrayed and juz realli realli in conflict w myself.
i cant seem, to find peace of mind.
i cant seem to be normal.. do normal things, think normal things..
and not get reminded of this issue and situation every waking hour of my life.
that'z all i can think abt.. to the point that i cant seem to function like a normal person.
my values now, the way i see things, the way i act and react, is a constant blur.
cuz i realli dunnoe who i am anemore.
why did u make me lose myself..
was it worth it fer u?

shit.. im sup to be letting go.
and not get caught up in this again..
move on already..
but i dun like wat im moving on to.
i dun like the new situation..

i realli hafta deal w the fact that u made this choice.
i hate it that it has come to this..
how did i let myself get into this state..
it wasnt like that b4..

huili is right, the onli one that can make me feel better is myself..
but believe me when i se i realli cant do it..
i juz cant help myself..
im realli trying... but everytime i decide to do sumthing.. i cant stick to it fer longer than 2 hrs.

i noe ure trying
but even afta todae..
i still think its not gonna come back.
maybe its cuz the wounds are still raw..
but i think its most probably cuz its lost fereva already.
u did too little too late.

--when did i stop being THE one, why did things change so much--