i dunnoe wat's come over me..
this feeling of dread and doom..
well, yah, havent been able to smile and laugh genuinely fer a while..
but this is.. i dunnoe, weird.

things arent getting worse.
in fact.. from an outsiders point of view.. its getting better.
and i shld be considered lucky?
but i dunnoe why..
sumthings doesnt feel right.
and im juz waiting fer things to come crashing down again.

wat's the word fer wat im feeling..
hmm..
oh yah.. vulnerability.
that's it.
juz feeling so vulnerable.. and alone.
ure right.. ultimately we're alone in this world.
so its not like im at a disadvantage or anething.
ive juz been in disillusion fer too long.
looking thru the rose tainted glasses u gave me..

the word 'care'.
overused but underrated
wat is its true meaning..?
i dunnoe anemore.
if i never had it.. i wun miss it.

screw myself.
im so full of crap.
i need to grow up.. realli realli.


--is it realli better to have loved then to have never loved at all? right now.. i realli dunnoe--