im 20...
im old and ancient..

wat an appropriate time to feel the way i do now..
officially not a teenager..
but have absolutely no idea whu i am..
lost all forms of self identity.
in a daze.. everything's blurry

what i tot i knew abt myself, frens, family and life in general
all obsecured from my consiousness.
dunnoe what to believe or trust anemore.

how to i relate to anething else if i dun even noe how to relate to myself.
frens tell me this is part of growing up.
im 20.. i shld already BE GROWN UP

somehow i wished this is juz a phase..
but im terrified that its not
that things will onli get worse.

its excruciating trying to make sense of everything all over again
to get socialised w society and learn everything as if it were brand new.
familiar faces.. familiar situations.
all alien to me.
everything i worked to achieve cuz i tot that was wat mattered now seem so pointless.
its one thing to be upset and unhappy..
but wat happens when u do not even NOE what upsets u or wat makes u happy.

i absolutely do not like life now..
but i dun even noe wat i do not like abt it.
sometimes i feel that i shld be so lucky..
but mostly im juz wallowing in self pity
i noe im pathetic.. but i dunnoe why
if onli i cld see myself from sumone else's eyes..
cuz right now.. i think aneone wld noe me better than i noe myself.

-- ignorance is definitely not bliss --