cam whoring as usual..

dithster 21st! had a friggin good time!! haha.
me with the food and me AS the food.

ANNE'S 21st! i made her preezzie!


cam whoring AGAIN! of our group of 8.. 4 21st has passed.. 4 more to go!! wheeee..

i cant believed i actually got so affected by this
hmm.. okie maybe i can.
that's wat politics do to me.
even the itsy bitsy teeniest bit.
and right now im tearing and on the verge of bawling over stupid ppleand their stupid ways
why do i let them affect me

i realli shld start thinking the worse of pple.
and i realized..
despite how excited and idealistic i was abt it, im the one that didnt noe what i got myself into.
hidden agendas.. politics.. manipulation.. attachment..

when i came back todae i perked myself up and already decided not to give a hoot abt all these stupid frivolous stuff.
but then i received a phone call.
and maybe i am over reacting but i started thinking abt it and cldnt help getting all affected again.

im definately not the most tactful of pple.
and when im pissed im supa opinionated and subjective.
but at least in this case..
watever i did or said was fer wat i felt in my opinion was fer the good of the event.
and right now..
i definately feel victimised.
like im getting embroiled in a conflict i knew nuthing abt
suddenly i belonged to a side that apparently is in conflict w another.
wat the fuck.

and its saddening..
cuz maybe i do not portray myself the way i actually feel.
but i sure as hell wan no part in this "conflict"
im very attached to this group
and i wan the best fer it.
but if my presence is onli making it hard fer e pple whu's gonna run this event
then i rather pull out.
there's more to my life then having to worry and care so much and then get shit fer it.

im not capapble at all.
but i was juz trying to help.
and may i add i din offer it.. it was requested.
watever i said or in watever bitchy tone i said it is juz wat i felt was good fer the event.
no agendas watsoever.
i dun like wasting time on guessing games.
im blunt but at least i sae it as i feel it.
if u dun like so be it.
but dun attach fake meanings to my actions juz cuz it fits ur agenda
get a freaking life.

yeah im pissed.. and im sad.
most of all im disillusioned.
and im prolly over reacting.
but thats how i feel.
im so affected i cant even blog coherently.

anyways,
watever mindsset i joined this with..
its totally diff now.
ive seen a different side of alot of pple since the first encounter.
some haf realli improved alot.. and i even feel like an ardent supporter of these pple.
others. leaves alot more to be desired. and haf definately proved wat pple haf told me abt them rite.
its nuthing personal..
to me.. hardly anething is..
so its furnie how they can take it so personally and turn it into some kind of a competition that i din even noe existed.
pathetic.
i nv gave a 2nd thought abt it cuz its all part and parcel of planning.
juz take it in stride and move on.
but u guys seem to eat sleep SHIT this stuff
reading too much into things and doin unnecessary stuff.

but like i said, onli in this case.
in another circumstances i wld realli haf liked u maybe.
act i did in the beginning.. but now i noe better.
all i can sae is..
i found a 2nd XYZ and amala and lynn.. u were rite. absolutely right.

watever it is..
i re-iterate that i wan no part in this "conflict"
and if a defeat is wat u wan.. u got it.
im ready to back out anetime.
u can haf full control.
and i sae that cuz i trust that u cannot control pple whu are not puppets.
and these pple that ive grown to be ardent supporters of..
they are NO PUPPETS. and they will pull it off.

and i realised im so affected onli because afta todae.. i care alot more.
now not juz abt the event.
but the new frens i made.
and the pple i gave too little credit to.
but are realli pulling thru now.

anewaes..
im gonna take a couple of tissue.
wipe of the angry and sad tears.. whichever they are.
go back to my world cup.
and back to my already complicated life which im trying to make the most of.
i shall not be affected anemore by this.
the best way to get back of such stupid pple is to be indifferent to their antics.
juz chill. my motto.
im gonna enjoy it whether u like it or not!
and thankfully, its made possible by pple whu i noe are on my side.
and even more pissed than me
esp char.. u rock! haha.
honestly.. WATEVER.
enjoy the onli in ur life that qualifies to be a life..

sigh.. stupid stupid kim..
rem that humans are horrible.
and so are u!

-- mocha, boxer, kylie, ah-ma, WTH --

bobo chacha bobo chacha bobo chacha...
say it out loud..
doesnt it hav such nice ring to it?!
and its a perfect name fer my perfect new baby kitten.. chacha.

yes i found one of them..
sumone saw my notice and msged me..
2 pple actually.
how nice.
" a black kitten is trapped in a drain at blk812"

told char and she went down to help me find the kitty since i was still stuck at sentosa.
when she called me to tell me the state of the kitten i was totally devestated.
thank god fer char.. i wldnt haf known wat to do w it.
its fronts paws are injured and it seemed to be in alot of pain.
its very hostile and keeps hissing and trying to bite me.
so diff frm the kitty i saw yest.
im not sure if its the same one..
but heck im so glad i took it home

its raining outside now and i cant imagine it stuck in that rain drenched freezing starving and mewing its lungs out in pain.
tell me that doesnt bring a tear to ur eyes.
i was on the verge of crying when i saw it..
but now its safe warm and fed all snuggled up in my towels at home w me.
yay!

still.. i dunnoe if i can keep it.
im terrified of cats.
and this is one of the most hostile cat ive seen
proly got a bad impression of humans.
sumone prolly abused it b4 i found it.
curse u to death whoever u are.
i tried to feed it milk and clean it w a warm towel but it keeps biting me and hissing at me.
and im more of a dog person.
so i realli dunnoe how to care fer a cat.
my mum says i gotta pay fer all its expenses and care fer it.
im scared and im broke
and im worried.
and bobo will never be able to get along w her..
she's barking at her rite now..
they'll prolly kill each other.
but i cant bring myself to put it to sleep.
we'll juz hafta see.
aneone wans to give a poor ol' abandoned kitten a new loving home?
hehe..

i wonder how are its other litter mates.
its heart wrenching juz to fathom the fact that their prolly freezing drenched and starving sumwhere out there.
sigh..

fer now chacha stays..
so here's a tribute to her.
22nd june 7.15 pm CHACHA adopted me!!
yay!

-- chacha is not a cheena name okie meanie! --

im crushed..!!!

on the way home todae from the mrt..
yesh i took mrt
i saw two kittens juz at the pavement outside.
they were adorable!
esp the black one.
it came up to me and mewed its lungs out
they were scrawny and obviously starving to death lah.
no mother in sight

this woman came up to me and asked me if i was gonna take them home.
i cant lah duh.
dum will die of a heart attack
so i carried them to her block where she said she'll look out fer them and try to call spca
obviously i knew spca wun give a shit.

so i went home and begged my mum to let me bring them home
she said okie!
and i went back str8away to find them
but they were gone!!!
searched fer an hr.
so sad

supa dupa dupa sad.
shld haf juz took them home.
realli hope the women or some kind soul took them in.
haiz.

wished i was older and a hell lot richer with my animal shelter all up and running.
so i can juz whisk them off to my animal haven place.
and they nv ever haf to worry abt a thing.
i hate this feeling.

gonna search fer them tom again.
lovely lovely kittens whu scratched the shit outta my palms.
and those of u whu know me know im terrified of cats.
but those love lorned kitty eyes..
and the emaciated body.
argh..
piang..
pls pls let them be safe and happy

i love animals so much more then humans.
bleah
hate feeling like that.
im NOT a kind caring person.
not towards most humans at least.
and i dunnoe why animals haf sucha hold over me.
so icky..
bleah.

-- kim's animal haven open 24/7 --

once again.. wheee... driving's fun.
although todae's instructor was.. uhmm.. uncomfortable.
well.. those of u whu noe noe.. dun wan to discuss anemore here.

i like my hair colour..
yay! and phew. haha.

drums is supa dupa dupa fun!
like supa!
im so enjoying it lah!

MM trial run.. scary!
and fun.. more swappies were there..
the good old feeling was there once more.
i screamed my lungs out lah even with shaun whu admitted he was scared ball-less too!

muddy's dunwan me..
boo..
so i dunnoe 3 vodka brands and 5 different types of cocktails..
bleah.
so aneone whu has a job to intro me pls do..
cuz im god damn broke
and i need the cash fer my hk trip.
im not choosy..
juz that with driving and all..
i can onli work evenings aft 3.30pm 3 daes a week
and no less then $7/hr pls. and preferbly town
haha. cannot find
unless like a volunteering type of job.. then $1 per hr oso can
i wan the experience.

oh well.. life's a daze right now.. not too bad daze.
cuz every night world cup until i blur
like seriously.
boo.

-- underdogs --

i hate being wrongly accused and misunderstood
being the subject of anger and blame
when its not my bloody fault
misperceived about my bloody stand.

i hate it that im affected.. still
when i shld juz be indifferent.
the way i was fer a long time
i hate it that it took 2 paragraphs to blog this.
but heck.. im done with it.

i bought diy hair dye fer myself the first time.
well.. its technically my virgin time dying my whole head a certain colour diy.
and im not totally satisfied w the result.
the roots are too blond and bright and the back is virtually unchanged.
i wanted an ashy hazel brown.. the baby hair kind
then i wanna streak it ash blond.
the most normal hair color effect i ever wanted.
im getting old
no more purple, green mossy fringe and pink attachments or bright red streaks.
but im realli excited to see the effect cus i never had such colour done.
always tot it'd make me look too ah lian..
or too tann and beachy wannabe.
but heck.. i wan to try
haha

so tom buy another packet of dye to dye the back..
save money..
only streak then go salon.
im broke.
dunnoe why
dun ask me..
evil monsters steal from my account when im not checking
money juz disappears.

oh well.. so if u see me.. pls sae my hair is nice.
even if it turns out to make me look like a 30 year old ah lianish auntie with a bad tann.
so weird to see my hair this color.
luckily its not copper or red.. hate those tones.

oh yeah went beaching todae with jo.
fun as usual..
hot hot sun..

fright nite trial fun tom night..
ah im actually feeling kinda scared.
but cant wait!
yippee!

-- i want the job! i think.. --

driving's fun..
drums even funner..
pardon the england.

ure a meanie..
meanie meanie meanie..
and u better make up fer it!
bleah!

yay my mum subscribed to world cup channels!
woohoo..

psych camp..
cross fingers cross toes cross eyes..

i dreamt of donuts last nite..
yummy..

ohwell..
busy week this week..
fun fun fun!

-- cut and paste in ur brain pls --

the week end was dreadful..
on so many levels.
but its been 4 daes.
and im over it.
yah there will be long lasting changes.
and there was a ton of stuff i wanted to lament abt.
but heck.

driving is so god dman fun
i cant wait till i pass and get my own car.
which hopefully is within the next sem pls.

and im finally learning drums
like afta a million years of saying that i wanna.
think i wanna furthur my guitar playing too.
fer once let me finish sumthing i started.

right now i think im stuck in the middle.
but i think thats kinda normal rite?
in a funny way i think im a perfectionist when it comes to my life..
which is realli weird.
i mean look at my room.
but.. ah well.. i get wat i mean.

ive been sick the past week.
my mum's been sick this week
i juz feel kinda frumpy and tired and lazy like perpetually.
and i feel like im re-claming the flu bug frm my mum.
oh well..

-- world cup fever --

fer the last time, its not abt u.
u dun even noe whu this is abt..

so pls.. it hasnt been abt u fer a long time now and its gonna stay that way.
i told u

and this post is not abt u.. its abt me.. and me being damn fustrated.
stop misconceptionalising me..
n stop mis perceiving my stand

there is nuthing abt my life that u could possibly be sorrie abt because nuthing's got anething to do w u.

and u, pls, why the hell do i need to lie to u.
especially now.
why wld i waste my time and energy to lie?!
dun flatter urself.

recently it seems im forced to be in sucha hateful position.
in so many situations.
it din haf to be like this.
but all u pple leave me with no choice.

-- a dreadful weekend ahead.. and i cldnt be more thankful --

i cant believe u blew it again.

......

actually i can, in fact i knew it wld come sooner or later.

oh but then again, i guess its not u blowing it..
cuz since ure all so great and hot and everything.
go amuse urself with ur huge ego.

well, i tried to be civil. and i cld haf been a whole lot worse. u noe.
and that's as far as i go.

i was goin to sae i cant believe u said that or even tot that.
but u noe wat.. once again, i can.
i guess u always haf.
and that's that.

and since thats the way it is,
i cant possibly have anething to sae to u.

im not walking away again.
u think about it..
im not doin anething.
its juz like that.
u blew it.

but hey, by ur terms, u'd be better off aneway.

and it hurts
it cuts so deep.
hey wat's new.
but still u can never get used to such pain.

at least now i can sae im not suprised.
still im not gonna stand there and take it.
and guess wat.. suprise suprise.. it doesnt end there.
when it comes to u it never does does it?
alright, u be the victim. go on.
stab it in again and again.
might as well get a work out outta it rite?
ure turning it into a fucking marathon.

-- happy now? u shld be.. u said u'd be --