i cant believed i actually got so affected by this
hmm.. okie maybe i can.
that's wat politics do to me.
even the itsy bitsy teeniest bit.
and right now im tearing and on the verge of bawling over stupid ppleand their stupid ways
why do i let them affect me

i realli shld start thinking the worse of pple.
and i realized..
despite how excited and idealistic i was abt it, im the one that didnt noe what i got myself into.
hidden agendas.. politics.. manipulation.. attachment..

when i came back todae i perked myself up and already decided not to give a hoot abt all these stupid frivolous stuff.
but then i received a phone call.
and maybe i am over reacting but i started thinking abt it and cldnt help getting all affected again.

im definately not the most tactful of pple.
and when im pissed im supa opinionated and subjective.
but at least in this case..
watever i did or said was fer wat i felt in my opinion was fer the good of the event.
and right now..
i definately feel victimised.
like im getting embroiled in a conflict i knew nuthing abt
suddenly i belonged to a side that apparently is in conflict w another.
wat the fuck.

and its saddening..
cuz maybe i do not portray myself the way i actually feel.
but i sure as hell wan no part in this "conflict"
im very attached to this group
and i wan the best fer it.
but if my presence is onli making it hard fer e pple whu's gonna run this event
then i rather pull out.
there's more to my life then having to worry and care so much and then get shit fer it.

im not capapble at all.
but i was juz trying to help.
and may i add i din offer it.. it was requested.
watever i said or in watever bitchy tone i said it is juz wat i felt was good fer the event.
no agendas watsoever.
i dun like wasting time on guessing games.
im blunt but at least i sae it as i feel it.
if u dun like so be it.
but dun attach fake meanings to my actions juz cuz it fits ur agenda
get a freaking life.

yeah im pissed.. and im sad.
most of all im disillusioned.
and im prolly over reacting.
but thats how i feel.
im so affected i cant even blog coherently.

anyways,
watever mindsset i joined this with..
its totally diff now.
ive seen a different side of alot of pple since the first encounter.
some haf realli improved alot.. and i even feel like an ardent supporter of these pple.
others. leaves alot more to be desired. and haf definately proved wat pple haf told me abt them rite.
its nuthing personal..
to me.. hardly anething is..
so its furnie how they can take it so personally and turn it into some kind of a competition that i din even noe existed.
pathetic.
i nv gave a 2nd thought abt it cuz its all part and parcel of planning.
juz take it in stride and move on.
but u guys seem to eat sleep SHIT this stuff
reading too much into things and doin unnecessary stuff.

but like i said, onli in this case.
in another circumstances i wld realli haf liked u maybe.
act i did in the beginning.. but now i noe better.
all i can sae is..
i found a 2nd XYZ and amala and lynn.. u were rite. absolutely right.

watever it is..
i re-iterate that i wan no part in this "conflict"
and if a defeat is wat u wan.. u got it.
im ready to back out anetime.
u can haf full control.
and i sae that cuz i trust that u cannot control pple whu are not puppets.
and these pple that ive grown to be ardent supporters of..
they are NO PUPPETS. and they will pull it off.

and i realised im so affected onli because afta todae.. i care alot more.
now not juz abt the event.
but the new frens i made.
and the pple i gave too little credit to.
but are realli pulling thru now.

anewaes..
im gonna take a couple of tissue.
wipe of the angry and sad tears.. whichever they are.
go back to my world cup.
and back to my already complicated life which im trying to make the most of.
i shall not be affected anemore by this.
the best way to get back of such stupid pple is to be indifferent to their antics.
juz chill. my motto.
im gonna enjoy it whether u like it or not!
and thankfully, its made possible by pple whu i noe are on my side.
and even more pissed than me
esp char.. u rock! haha.
honestly.. WATEVER.
enjoy the onli in ur life that qualifies to be a life..

sigh.. stupid stupid kim..
rem that humans are horrible.
and so are u!

-- mocha, boxer, kylie, ah-ma, WTH --