it hurts it still hurts
u see the hehes and the hahas thats all

but im not laughing
not smiling

its still hurts.
i change the subject
i make a fool of myself acting bimbotic
i insult u
i poke ur face
i pretend im ok
i pretend

it is def easier
but it more like ive given up
of all the times i said i give up on us...
this is prolly the onli time its realli happening
i just dun have the strength to fight anymore
and i honestly believe u dun care anymore
and i have realli given up hope
i stop fighting cuz there is nuthing left to fight for

now the hurt is from the missing
from the memories
the betrayal and lies..
but im letting go
not cuz i wan to but cuz i cant hold on anymore
i give up
realli

it hurts
and now that i dun see a way out
no solution
im not trying ure not tryin..
then wat happens?
i realli am scared
will i hurt forever.
why..
so many questions keep swirling in my head
questions and scenarios..
but for now i just push them aside.. cuz i dunwan to cry anymore
i dunwan to fight anymore
wats the point of thinking of them
i just hurt more
i stop fighting cuz i finally accepted that there is no way out that i can accept
im just goin to give up
its not goin to get better

and till now 6 freaking months im still not okie
while for u its been 6 sweet months and all of this has been nuthing but a disturbance to u.. if u even rem it at all.
its hurtful and bordering on embarassing.
why.
i dun wan to be bothered by it anymore
and i think i do a pretty darn good job hiding it.
i cant talk to u about it u make ti pretty obvious.. neither can i talk to U about it.
but i need to just let it out sometimes.. that im not okie
im not okie
but i can do a damn good job pretending that i am
i have been doin it for the 17 years before u came along
i thought those days were over
but no
the wall has to go back up
the facade for everyone
no more being carefree and true..
6 good pampered and spoilt years.
i believed i realli did.
but i was the right one all along

its just goin back..
i grew up with u..
i dunnoe how im goin to reverse all that and grow up all over again
but ive realli lost myself
i dunnoe wat is and is not anymore
but i can go back to being kim.. sure
i dun have a choice.

i give up.