phew.. i noe its stupid i din realize earlier
but now i can blog..
realli BLOG
for myself.

why was my day hard?
u dun wan to noe
even if u did u wont care
and u wont be knowing

wats the point of telling u it hurts
just to hurt more seeing that u dun care it hurts
or to hurt more knowing u honestly dun see it or think it should hurt..
and why dun u see it..?
cuz uve changed, cuz u stopped caring and u din even noe u stopped.
cuz it diff.
cuz we're diff

sometimes i think back and it feels like a dream..
like it never happened
but the then tears coming flowing out so freely that i noe for sure it was real
cuz the pain is.
like the tears that are rolling down my cheeks

im getting better at this
i smile at u when it hurts
i joke when it hurts
when i feel the pain and anger coming out i can control the tears and hold it all in
till im alone
and i can hide it all and pretend much faster than before.
i dunnoe how else to do it

this feeling is all so familliar
its wat i thought i never had to do again
cuz u told me to trust u and i did.

im still angry and hurt
im still unable to let go of the betrayal
and i noe u dun think u did
and i noe no matter wat i feel that hurts u wont ever see it much less understand it
so i give up
i give up
ure gone.
and ure happy wo me.. and us.
u are okie with it
i never thought u would be okie with it
but u are.

u bloody fucking liar.
thats the anger
ure the onli one i will ever let in
thats the hurt
i thought we were goin to be the most special forever cuz u said it
thats the regret
which reminds me of all the lies and betrayal of the promises u made
thats the anger pain and regret
thats wat so hard to get over.

i miss us so much...
so much
i feel so stupid missing it.
missing lies.
why
i realli just wan to noe why
why did u do this to me?

u noe i cant take a blow like this.
u noe.
u noe... onli u noe.
i onli let u noe.

once again tonight
i cry my eyes out in the shower
wipe away stray tears
take a deep breath
block every emotion out just to stop the pain
and tell myself, its goin to be okie.
im goin to be okie
i can be better. i will be.
but deep inside i noe that i dunnoe how to
i never had to do it alone.
i never had to worry
i never had to look out for myself
i never had to be okie
i dunnoe how to.
but i have to.
nobody cares kim.
u knew that
u were just stupid
and u just wanted so much to trust.
u trusted wrong.
but it will be okie...
just stop caring. about everything
u may be happy one day
maybe.